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This is a guest post by Kate of be merry, kate in the Women Speak on NFP series. In this series you will hear from women using various methods of NFP, some to avoid pregnancy, some trying to conceive, and their experiences.
Disclaimer: This series is not meant to be a substitute for any method of training in NFP! If you are interested in one of the methods introduced in this series, please contact a certified instructor for information about training in that method of NFP.
I have many glowing things I could say about NFP. I love how informative it is. I love how natural it is. I love that there is this option for families who truly need it. What I hate? Having to use it. I had big dreams of graduating college, getting married, and having children right away. I kind of forgot that children cost money and there is the little fact that I was in mountains of college debt and I was married to a graduate student. We prayed and we tried to figure out a way to make it work, but it just wasn’t in the cards yet. To be frank? It sucked.
When we had to use NFP to postpone starting our family, we ended up starting one earlier than we’d “planned” anyway. We were just so eager to have a baby that we couldn’t imagine letting little things like medical school, student loans, and being away from family get in the way of experiencing the joys of parenthood
Now I am 2.5 months postpartum and discerning whether NFP or “AFP” is right for our family…. We’re leaning towards the latter, because God has seriously blessed us beyond measure since we had Margot. It is crazy.
Thanks for putting this series together, Haley! It’s an amazing resource to have out there.
Sarah – I know what you mean! We actually had to push back how long we waited and there are some moments when I still think that we didn’t wait long enough and other moments when I think that we could easily be on our 2nd or 3rd kid by now. The best part about it is that it isn’t a one-time decision that has side effects. If you are unsure this cycle, you can wait and discern again for the next cycle. Much better than having to decide once and for all whether or not you are going off a pill or getting some creepy looking device removed… or the worst, whether or not you are actually altering/removing one of your organs! EEK!
And yes, at 8 months out, I’m blown away by how much one little life has blessed our marriage!
Thank you for such a beautifully honest post on the difficulties that NFP can bring and how to deal with them! I’m also a Catholic convert (this Easter was my 2 year mark), but it’s still a very scary road to journey on. Good news though, my husband and I have just switched to AFP, and it is exhilarating!
@Haley — your posts have been an inspiration for my husband and myself. We both love reading your posts
Thanks so much, Sarah! Yay AFP
“He has a plan for you and your marriage. Don’t doubt Him. Trust Him.”
You can’t possibly know how much I needed to hear that today. Thank you.
Oh I’m so glad that helped you! I must say I look back on those first two years of my marriage and I fought God’s plan tooth and nail. I was absolutely horrible at trusting His plan for our marriage (well, I’m still horrible at it…). Looking back now, it all fits together. Be patient with Him and with yourself!
Haley – thanks for sharing my post! This series is helping so many women – myself included!
Thanks so much for sharing your experience, Kate!
Thanks for this post Kate. This is where I am right now and sometimes it is a struggle. It is nice to know that someone else has been there!
Kate, this is so great, thank you so much for sharing! I wish I had read this 2 years ago!We had to postpone starting our family for the first 2 years of our marriage so that my husband could finish his PhD. It was so hard and I definitely fell into each and every one of those “don’t” traps. In retrospect, I know that the waiting period was forming us and making our marriage stronger, but at the time it sucked big time. What I most struggled with, and still struggle with at times, is people judging our reasons to wait as not “grave” enough, and insinuating that we were being selfish. This one hurt a lot because we were dirt poor (hence the waiting!) and it wasn’t like we were going on European vacations or eating caviar. It always surprises me how the most judgy people I encounter are often my fellow practicing Catholics!
Anyway, thanks for sharing this often-misunderstood side of NFP.
Ellen – YES that was the hardest part for us too! I was blown away by the people would who actually question us on whether our reason was grave enough… as if I wanted to discuss our financial situation with people. It is a hard situation to be in, especially if you don’t have friends who are in a similar situation to share the woes with. I was able to write the do’s and don’t’s simply because I fell into the don’t category A LOT. Looking back, it was good for our marriage and while waiting is not ideal, we were able to really grow from the experience.