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No, I didn’t get a bunch of new tattoos. This isn’t a photo of me, but I really love the message on the mug in this photo. Because this week I did something scary.
A few weeks ago I was contacted about doing a freelance piece for a publication on a topic I love. I was excited and after I signed on, I looked up the journal to get more information. The style of the publication is more academic than I’m used to these days and I felt….intimidated.
Other contributors were writers I really admire and who are way out of my league. And I don’t say that out of false humility–like, they’re truly out of my league. REAL academics with many letters after their names.
I got really scared.
Here’s some of the thoughts I had running through my head:
–Did they think I was someone else when they asked me to write this?
–Will they reject my piece because it’s not good enough?
–If they publish it, will it get torn apart?
–Will everyone who reads it think, “this girl quit grad school to have more babies and IT SHOWS”? Or “Who does she think she is? She doesn’t belong here”?
But I wrote the piece. And while I was struggling through it at a coffee shop I told a friend about the project and how very out of my comfort zone it was.
“I haven’t written anything like this in years.”
She said, “I love that you’re doing something scary! It’s really good to make ourselves do scary things.”
And I remembered that my friend Jen Fulwiler had just done her first stand up comedy gig just for the heck of it last week. Was she terrified? Yes! But it’s good to try things that scare us. It’s good to do things that we might fail at.
When I vocalized my fears, they sounded a little silly. Not entirely far-fetched, of course. It was definitely possible my piece would get rejected. It’s possible that I’ll obviously be out of my league. But….who cares?
If someone makes fun of me for quitting grad school to spend more time with my babies and getting rusty on my academic writing…is it the end of the world? No, it’s really not.
And honestly, I’ve been a lot less afraid of life in general since becoming a mother. There’s something about carrying a tiny human and pushing him/her out of your body that makes you think, “hey! I can do hard stuff!”
I remember birthing my firstborn and then feeling like I could conquer the world. I’ve always been a people pleaser, but after his birth I just didn’t care as much about what other people thought. Any haters I had just didn’t bother me the same way. I GREW A PERSON and I felt pretty badass. As I stare down another delivery for our 4th baby in a few weeks time, sending over a freelance piece I’m nervous about seems a lot less of a big deal.
So I want to keep doing scary things, things I’m scared to fail at. I don’t want to let fear keep me in my comfort zone. Regardless of how this piece is received, the process will make me a better writer. I’ll learn something.
An obsessive fear of failure can be a form of pride: “I don’t want to be the sort of person who fails–I’m above that.” Well, news flash. We’re not above failure! It’s just part of the process. I’m gonna fail sometimes. And that’s okay! It doesn’t make me unworthy or stupid, it just makes me human.
The piece I was worried about wasn’t rejected. Who knows if it will get good or bad feedback once it’s published? But either way, I’m glad I wrote it.
So pick something out of your comfort zone to tackle. Refuse to be deterred by the voices in your head telling you you’re not good enough or people will mock you or whatever the case may be. Because so what? Do the scary thing. Do the hard thing. It might totally bomb or it might go great. But either way, I think you win.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
I love everything about this post. Such great encouragement! I decided to do something intimidating today, too!
I’m so glad, Kristi! <3
You are so right, Haley–and the more we do it, the stronger the conviction becomes! I am collecting a lifetime of evidence that even if I fall on my face, I will not die!
And the more I dare, the more I take risks and leaps of faith, the more familiar that feeling is. It’s changing from fear to curiosity and even excitement. I wonder what will happen if I…
Thanks for the reminder to “go there” today!
Great insights, Pat!
I needed this pep talk! Thank you. And I appreciate the direction you are taking your work lately. Keep up, let the haters float past like bubbles. xo.
Aw, thanks, Chelsea!
Just what I needed. <3
<3
This is great, Haley. Fearing failure really is often about pride, and can keep us from experiencing great successes…and valuable fails.
Thanks, Jessica!
Exactly the way I want to live so I can show my son how to be brave, do hard things, and fail but keep doing! Thank you!
<3
where’s s the article?
someone in my post-grad health economics course remarked that she thought it was so cool when I introduced my “profession” as “mom”, which was so nice to hear as I had been feeling intimidated by all the physicians, pharmacists etc.
All the best for your last stretch!
Here’s the link to the piece I wrote! http://churchlife.nd.edu/2018/06/14/alasdair-macintyre-reads-jane-austen-reading-her-late-modern-reader/
Hi Haley, first time commenter here (though I’ve been reading your blog for some time). This post really speaks to my heart, as I am right in the middle of doing a very scary thing, with great odds of failing. “An obsessive fear of failure can be a form of pride” — so true. I’ve just found out the Litany of Humility and am praying it everytime I feel the fear getting overwhelming. Thank you for words!
Hi Amanda! Thanks for reading and I’m so glad it was the right thing to hear at the right moment <3
This is so so good. We can do hard things! (Cue my husband’s inevitable dirty comment) (me: *eyeroll*).
But seriously. I try to keep that in mind all the time, and to actually look at what I am afraid of. Sometimes we are so afraid we forget to ask ourselves what PRECISELY we are afraid of. And then on examination we realise that maybe, really, we don’t have much to be worried about after all.
Thanks for writing this!
Jennifer’s book & now this post, I feel God is telling me over and over I can do this. I am the mother of 5 & a part time NICU nurse. This fall I am registered to go back to school to begin my journey to get a doctorate in psychiatric nursing. I kept thinking that this was out of my grasp, but I continue to get messages telling me to go forward! (Oh, did I mention that I was 44, another reason to be scared of this journey!!)