You know where you’re trying to go. You thought you were on the road that would get you there, but suddenly everything looks wrong and your intuition is confirmed when the know-it-all voice of the GPS on your dashboard barks, “RECALIBRATING!” You took a wrong turn and the lady inside your GPS is frantically trying to get you back on track.
For a blogger, I have surprising Luddite tendencies. I like books with real binding and ink. I prefer paper maps that I can unfold and study so I know just what to expect on a drive, exactly what road I’ll be on for every leg of the trip. With the dawn of the GPS, I feel like I’m at the mercy of the device on my dashboard. I have to trustingly take it one step at a time, following the bossy lady’s voice to know where to turn.
Sometimes I feel the same way about parenting. I know where I want to go. I know my destination. But I’m always getting lost on the way. And there are no maps I can unfold and meticulously follow. We’re only given the very next step to take. I think I’m on the right road and then suddenly, whatever approach we were taking isn’t cutting it anymore. Something’s off and we have to find our way back.
You’d think that after three kids, I’d feel like I had a good handle on the parenting roadmap. I don’t. But I’ve noticed something that encourages me that I won’t be permanently lost in the parenting wilderness somewhere. With each passing year, I’m getting a better sense of when I’ve lost the way, when it’s just not clicking. When I need a fresh approach. It doesn’t take as many days of feeling like I’m hitting a wall before my inner parenting GPS shouts, “RECALIBRATE!” It was working. But now it’s not.
It happens so quickly–wandering off of the path. But instead of depairing, it’s a chance to re-evaluate and march right back to the road.
Maybe it’s not firmer discipline, but more sleep that the preschooler is really needing. Time to re-instate a long afternoon nap time. Maybe the problem with those conflicts over a messy kids’ room isn’t because they’re uncooperative, but because they’re overwhelmed with too many toys. Time to do a big toy purge so the task is manageable for a toddler and a 5-year-old. And maybe we’ve been letting that back talk go undisciplined too long and some consistent reminders are needed. I can take each wrong turn as a parenting failure, or I can step up and say, “Recalibrate, mama!”
I’m not going to get it right every time, as much as I wish I could. But instead of beating myself up about it, I can refuse to get discouraged and instead, look around, re-evaluate, and make a new plan.
I know where I want to go: I want to raise kids that know they are loved and who are loving. Who seek truth and justice. Who love beauty and goodness. I know the far-off destination. But I also know it will take many detours to get there.
Recalibrating…
Image via flickr from JFXie (text added)
Oh my gosh, yes! I’ve had to re-evaluate what I’m doing as a parent so many times. Like I just learned my kiddo has to get his energy out everyday and if I don’t THEN that’s when he starts getting into everything.
Oh my, yes! My kids need to get out of the house and run around for a few hours at least three times a week or things get wild 😉
Wow! It’s beautiful! Just what I needed to hear!
Thank you! 🙂
This is so true! What a great analogy. I have to do this all the time too 🙂
I’m glad I’m not alone 😉
Hi Haley,
You will do this recalibrating for the rest of your mothering days. I have been a mama for 17 years! (I can’t believe that!) Eight children later… when you think you have it all figured out…nope. Each child is different, each age is new. You are very wise to know this early on in your mothering years.
Take Care,
Kirsten
P.S. My husband went to FSU. Tallahassee is our old stomping ground! We have been in KY for about 4 years now. Oh how I miss FL!! God’s Blessings over you and your family!!
What a lovely comment, Kirsten. And what a neat connection! We love Tallahassee 🙂
This is a great analogy! I often think about this now that i’m almost 6 years in. You are right – it is so nice that the assessment comes more quickly and easily as the years go by – our parenting “instruments” get more sensitive and we can take it less personally (i.e. “failure!!!”) realizing it is all part of the journey.
🙂
Love that!
My GPS says “RECALCULATING” an I always thought she sounded sort of disgusted when she does it. LOL
I love this post thought…I am always recalculating and recalibrating my parenting and our homeschooling and our general lives. Different things work in different areas of our lives and not at other times.
Oh dear. Maybe mine says “recalculating,” too! Haha. Now I’m wondering if I got it wrong.
So true! Parenting definitely keeps you on your toes and often requires creativity as you try to figure out the best way to deal with the new challenge.
Yes!
This is wise insight. I’m a new mama so I still struggle to know when to recalibrate and when to stay the course! On one hand, consistency is key when teaching discipline; on the other hand, you have to be flexible and figure out when things aren’t working. But when is it one versus the other???
Is the toddler’s misbehaving because he simply doesn’t respond well to timeouts and other punishments, or is it simply the last gasp of revolt before he starts behaving better? Or is it simply that he’s feeling sick and missed his nap and I should just let the day be a pass? Is his improving behavior simply a sign of him maturing, or did something you do work? I just never know.
Add to that the fact that most super troubling behaviors pass on their own anyways, and its so hard to figure out if you even have any parenting skills at all. IT’s reassuring that you gain confidence and skill as they get older. Hopefully by kid number three I’ll at least have some intuition on these things.
I feel like I’m right in this stage with you. Maybe in a couple years I’ll have fine tuned the instruments and know when to recalibrate, but right now I just know that this doesn’t look like the right way and I have no idea how to get back on course!
Tia! I feel you mama! So much! Here’s my post of frustration: http://mylifeasafiremanswife.blogspot.com/2014/05/my-kid-made-me-cry-today.html?m=1
I love this whole post. You hit on so many points that I can identify with — the naps, the toys, the back talk! I may have to print this out and tape it to my refrigerator as a daily affirmation. (Just like I still print out directions to destinations — I refuse to listen to that GPS boss me around unless I am hopelessly, helplessly lost!)
Thanks for this post! I needed to hear this great reflection after the weekend I had. I posted about it: http://mylifeasafiremanswife.blogspot.com/2014/05/my-kid-made-me-cry-today.html?m=1
I love your blog! Thanks again for another great post!
Really insightful post, thanks!
Love this! There’s a lot of wisdom here…and acceptance that we’re human. Although we may have an eye on the right target, our shot might be off for awhile. Just when things seem to be smooth, something changes – one of the kids, or one of the parents, and recalibration needs to happen. What a healthy and realistic approach you have – thank you! (fellow Floridian here…northeast!) 🙂
Loved this. What a helpful way of thinking about things.