5 Things That Make Mothering a Little Easier

I’ve shared before that while mothering is by far the most exciting role I’ve ever undertaken, it doesn’t come easy to me…..at all. After feeling very successful in school and career pre-kids, the tasks of homemaking weren’t just thankless but difficult.

I am an extreme P when it comes to the P vs. J part of the Myers-Briggs personality test. That means keeping my home organized is not a skill that comes naturally. Open any drawer or close in my home if you need proof. Hopefully nothing falls on you.

And the constant interaction with my kids that daily mothering and homeschooling entail is exhausting even for this extrovert. For awhile, I felt like motherhood had ruined me.

What I wish someone had told me is that the learning curve is mind-bogglingly steep. That is wasn’t always going to be THAT hard. I don’t think parenting or homemaking will ever be a breeze for me, but every year the rhythms and challenges become more second-nature and the good moments outweigh the meltdowns.

Here’s a few things I wish I had known to do to make homemaking easier from the get-go:

Declutter all the things.

I know the Konmari method is all the rage and it feels like jumping on a trendy bandwagon to discuss decluttering. But seriously, friends, while we’ve never had tons of stuff, the day I got serious about clearing unnecessary items out of the house was the day that I started to feel  like I was no longer drowning in the mess. Less stuff, less stuff to tidy up. It’s as simple as that.

First I tackled the kids’ room which had been the source of many an argument with my children. I don’t LIKE arguing with my kids. I hate reminding them to clean up for the second or third or fourth time. The day we garage saled more than half their toys was the beginning of far fewer fights over the mess. It couldn’t get as messy because there was simply less stuff to spread around! And because it was less overwhelming, they were able to clean it up themselves more easily.

Then when we knew we were making a big crazy move to a new life, I decluttered the whole house to make it show ready. Then we did more purging until it would all fit into our 650 sq ft apartment on the farm. One of the best decisions we ever made.

Stop trying to make every second count.

Pope Francis encourages parents to waste time with their kids. Just be together. Don’t try to get all the stuff done or fill your time with activities you can check off a list. Make your kids feel special by offering them your valuable time. When I focus on efficiency and productivity and not relationships in my family, it makes everyone pretty unhappy including myself. And I am SO prone to zeroing in on how much I’m accomplishing. But that doesn’t make for a very happy homemaking existence because the floor will get muddy, the dishes will get dirty, and the laundry will pile up again tomorrow.

When I remember that I’m a mother, not the CEO of my household, there’s a lot more joy in our home.

Build a community of support.

Mothering is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I NEED other women who understand the challenges of this vocation to support and encourage me. When my oldest was born I didn’t have that at all. I didn’t have mom friends, I didn’t even have married friends and it was one of the loneliest seasons of my life. When it feels like we’re failing at building our cathedrals, we need other women to help us. When Benjamin turned two and I was pregnant with Lucy, I finally made some mom friends. And about the same time I also had some great online community.

Having friends over for coffee or meeting them at the park and then having friends “in my computer” to life me up when I need it is a godsend.

Take time for yourself.

For the longest time I felt like this wasn’t allowed. As if needing to go out to browse at a book store or sit and drink a cup of tea all alone meant I didn’t love my kids enough. Nope. That’s just silly. You need to take some time to go out with girlfriends or spend a blessed hour of being all alone.

Not taking care of yourself will cause you to burn out fast and feel resentful toward your family. Figure out a plan with your spouse to help you get the time you need to recharge and in turn, carve out time for your spouse to get some alone time whether it’s going for a run a few times a week, or getting together with friends. It’s important. It makes me feel appreciated when Daniel encourages me to take time for myself and I want him to feel the same way.

Tap into some wisdom.

As the youngest in a small family, I came into motherhood having never even held a newborn baby before. Reinventing the wheel isn’t just hard, it will make you insane. Make good use of your community. Befriend moms with kids a few yours older than yours. Read books and blogs from other moms in the trenches and those who have come out the other side with some of their sanity. You don’t have to figure everything out on your own.

What things make mothering easier in your home?