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This post is part of the Blue Bike Blog Tour, which I’m thrilled to be part of. To learn more and join us, head here.
I have this dream of waking up and sitting on the front porch holding a cup of strong coffee with a splash of goats milk, from our goats. After I finished my cup, I would go inside to make breakfast while the kids get dressed and the oldest ones help Daniel with some morning chores on our very own small farm. I dream of homeschooling with the windows open while Daniel tends to farmy things like growing produce for a CSA (community supported agriculture). Then, after a big lunch made from what we raise and grow: eggs from our chickens, pork from our pigs, veggies from our garden, and honey from our bees, the kids would settle in for rest time and I could write for an hour before taking a van load of veggies in to the farmer’s market or dropping the girls off at ballet while Daniel works on some homeschool projects with our oldest.
I dream of living off the land, growing things that nourish our family and others, and writing in the early morning and after the kids go to sleep. I dream of our whole family being centered around the home with Daniel getting to do work that he’s passionate about–not just because it provides for us, but because it is good in and of itself. I dream of him getting to jump in and be part of the homeschooling effort, teaching biology and other sciency things that make my head spin. I dream of space for the kids to run off and explore the land that is theirs.
I dream of a couple of other Catholic families farming land nearby and getting together for prayer and feasting and fun. And the dream feels so close.
But then there’s that unexpected car payment after our paid-off car was totaled. And there’s pediatric dental bills. And there’s that whole matter of just paying the mortgage on our sweet little three bedroom, one bath house in the city that I share with the four people I love most in the world. And how will we ever save enough to buy a farm? Sometimes it just feels safer to forget the whole thing and permanently settle in for desk jobs and city life. Because our life now isn’t bad. I get to work from home part-time writing and homeschool our little ones and life is very sweet.
It’s easy to feel almost greedy to want something beyond the conventional American life. Other families, even making the same financial sacrifices we are, can’t always make ends meet with one income. The idea that Daniel and I could both be doing work we love seems naive. And someone will say, “But most people have to work jobs they don’t like. As long as you can put food on the table, you shouldn’t complain.” And they’re right. We have so much to be thankful for. And I don’t mean to complain, I really don’t.
But I also don’t think it’s wrong to want something more than the fragmented modern life and to pursue that dream, as long as it doesn’t breed discontent with life as it is today and keep us from finding joy in the now. Because let’s be honest, getting up before sunrise to milk goats so that I can enjoy that splash of milk in my coffee isn’t going to be a piece of cake. If we can’t be happy now, we never will be. Contentment and joy have more to do with how we live the life we have than with creating the perfect life. Because even our dream won’t be perfect. It will be hard.
I want to keep pursuing that dream of home, where our food comes from our farm to our table and our kids have space to breath. And in the mean time, we’ll try to do everything we can to live our dream life right here. The six backyard chickens and the raised beds of veggies that comprise our urban frontyard are a step in the right direction. But the truth is…I’ve been feeling discouraged and worn out. It’s hard to live slow and be intentional when the craziness of life tries to sweep you away.
But I’m reading a book that’s putting the wind back in my sails, reminding me why slowing down and living intentionally is valuable. It’s encouraging me that other families have gone against the grain and have made it work. Tsh Oxenreider’s new book, Notes from a Blue Bike, is a memoir of Tsh’s pursuit of the simple life: food, work, education, travel, and entertainment. It reminds me of one of my favorite reads, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. And, like Kingsolver’s memoir, it gets the wheels turning as I wonder, how can I take these ideas and use them to pursue our family’s dream? It’s not a step-by-step how-to, it’s thoughtful inspiration. And it’s a delightful read. Tsh’s blog, The Art of Simple (formerly Simple Mom) was one of the first handful of blogs I started reading when I was 22, just graduated from college, working in publications, and unexpectedly pregnant with our first child wondering (slightly terrified), “what is this whole motherhood thing going to look like?” Reading Tsh was like a breath of fresh air, saying, “You can do this. It doesn’t have to be complicated. It just has to be intentional.”
Reading Notes from a Blue Bike, I feel like I really know the heart of one of my favorite blogger/writers because she so openly and vividly shares her story in this book. It’s a splendid read for anyone considering how to make their family’s life reflect the values and passions dear to them. And you can grab your copy here.
And be sure to check out the super cool book trailer! I had the pleasure of meeting Tsh at Allume in October and she’s just as delightful in person as she appears in the video.
Awesome!! This is super exciting. I love your dream and thank you so much for sharing it. I have to say, I love your dream.
My husband and I have just bought 1.8 acres (and currently negotiating the 5.4 acres next to it). We are hoping to establish a small homestead/farmette.. I’m so nervous! I don’t know how to build a house, raise chickens, or grow anything. I’m scared, but excited. I can’t wait to do homeschool lessons with our 13-year old by actually working on our own land.
I think I may need to pick up a copy of this book. I need some wind back in my sails, too. I greatly desire intentional living for me and for my family.
That’s so exciting, Stacey!
Amen! My husband is back in school to become a chiropractor and acupuncturist after being in local law enforcement and we desperately want to have a little land when we are finished here. Sadly, the cost of his education is the same as medical school, without a guaranteed job and salary. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by it all, and wonder how we can ever manage to have the kind of life we want for our family. I have been working on being content and making the best of what we have. Right now that’s a garden and raising meat rabbits. (I am totally envious of your chickens, btw – I cannot wait to have chickens!)
Oh I hope his chiropractic/acupuncture career takes off! Now that the benefits are becoming more well-known in the west, it seems like all the acupuncturists I know are very busy! (I always go when I’m past my due date to get labor going so that I can avoid an induction!)
Haley,
A girl can dream… and dream she will! You have the first step to making your dream happen! Yay!
When I married two years ago, I moved to my husband’s family farm which they had started 3 years previous. Let me tell you… it is wonderful, but definitely life changing. Being able to eat our own eggs, meat, produce, honey is by far a wonderful blessing. You can and will make your dream happen! So hang in there!
The other part is the reality. We have to drive 40 minutes to get to any decent grocery store, we drive an hour to visit friends and go to church, we often have to stay home or are late to a gathering because we were busy chasing this animal or that animal back into their pen, and we are always, I mean always fixing fences and chopping fire wood.
So, keep up your dream. Know that with any dream there is hardship, but you seem like a family that can make it happen. Enjoy life where it is now, right next to your family, friends, and local coffee shop because this is where you need to be. Someday life will be so different and you’ll look back to where you are now and remember how much you loved it.
This is so encouraging. Thank you for sharing all of this, Alicia!
Go dreams!
I am totally with you, there! At the least, I want at least an acre so we can have our miniature milk cow (no goat for me, thank you!), but I would LOVE to buy about ten acres and set up a little community of houses in a circle with cows, chickens, sheep, and GARDENS!
I love the idea of living entirely off what we take care of. Unfortunately, in Utah where the ground is frozen solid for about six months of the year, that is difficult. I love canned stuff, but not *only* canned stuff… I love the huge moving green houses that a couple built.. I think it was in Maine? It gives me hope that I might be able to make it work.
Ah, I get to start my celery, leeks, and eggplant inside this month! That may be the only way I survive February!
I love the idea on intentional community. We lived in community most of our married life before moving back to Florida. But Utah! Can’t imagine how cold, haha. It is much easier eating off the land in the South.
Seriously! The more I have considered the blessings and implications of ‘urban’ homesteading in Utah, the more I respect the pioneers who came, sometimes with only the clothing on their backs, and made this area what it is, today. I can’t imagine surviving these winters without central heating!
We get deer in our yard sometimes in the winter, and we love to watch them grapple and eat the garden leftovers and the apples we didn’t get picked up before the snow. One day I thought, ‘I wonder if the pioneers used to love watching deer as much as we do.’ Immediately the obvious answer came: ‘Duh. They wouldn’t have been watching, they would have been killing them for food!’
Times certainly have changed!
Haley, all you have to do is write a YA trilogy about some teenagers who are actually mummified Egyptian demigods brought back to life to compete in a Spelling Bee . . . to the DEATH. And there’s a love triangle.
It will be wildly successful, there will be movies and merchandise and maybe a theme park.
You can buy all the land you want and hire someone to fix the fences.
This is the best thing I’ve read all day! Thanks for a good laugh.
Hahaha! Daniel has penned most of a pretty awesome werewolf novel so……..;)
Haha! So Awesome!
I actually did grow up in the country with a father who ran his own business a few feet away from the house and a mother who fulfilled her dreams of being a SAHM by raising and homeschooling eight of us.
Parts of like were idyllic–like adventures with my brothers in our fields and learning how to write under the apple blossoms. And other parts were hard and difficult–like when the business failed and we didn’t have money for food and people looked down on us.
Then my father died and my mother became a widow with eight young children and no life insurance, and life changed again. It’s good to have dreams tempered with reality. Dreams give us hope, incentive, and a spring to our step, and reality keeps us grounded when those dreams change or are dashed. The present is a beautiful thing, one that we easily ignore.
I loved this post, Haley. It was so candid and heartfelt, but true and trusting. And I do hope you get your farm and your goats’ milk!!
I remember you sharing about your father’s death in another comment awhile ago…maybe about the pros and cons of a large family? That is just so tragic, Susie. Beautiful words here.
This is the dream we are pursuing at the moment. We have the perfect 30 acre farm, but our sacrifice is both of us working office jobs in town and toddler in daycare. We would like to pay off some of the mortgage and build our business so that we can work from home together. What you are suggesting almost sounds like an intentional community
I always thought it would be fun to have like minded neighbors. There is a family around us (Catholic) who is starting a community where the families home-school together, live as neighbors and farm for income together.
So fun to know that there are other families pursuing the same dream!
We have very similar dreams lady! We’re doing what we can now (chickens and garden) but have big dreams of a farmhouse and tillable acres and goats and cows and pigs. We’ve spent quite a few nights this cold, long winter dreaming out loud together. We know we’ll get there someday, but keep the word “soon” pushed far out of our minds.
I knew you were a kindred spirit
This was such a beautiful post. I found myself saying “yes, yes, yes” at several points, mostly the ones in bold, so repeating them would seem super redundant.
I’m also smiling sweetly, thinking what my dream might be for our own little family, thinking it might be okay to dwell a little more on it, without the guilt that usually follows. Thank you.
‘Contentment and joy have more to do with how we live the life we have than with creating the perfect life. Because even our dream won’t be perfect. It will be hard.’
So true! For a while I got to caught up in the ‘destination’ the dream I have (quite similar to yours actually, but I only want 4 chickens!), but would find myself disheartened that my life now feels so different. Instead I now focus on the journey and instead delight in each step I take closer to my dream and more inline with my values. Life is much better this way!
Yes!
Thank you for sharing your dream! It’s so important to remember to be thankful for all that we have even when we’re striving for a little bit more. Especially since it’s only natural to want to give your kids more than you have. Ultimately i’d love a little farm with beehives in one corner and a small flock of sheep for wool. In the short term I’ll settle for a house that has a washer dryer indoors! But I try to remind myself every day that I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge (and dirty dishes in my sink), and that’s so much more than so many families have right now.
Beehives! Yes! That’s one thing we could start to do in the city. And so important to remember all that we have.
Oh Haley, you’ll get there! Our dreams were a bit more modest – I wanted to stop working my crazy 80-hour weeks in the city and cut down to part time (I’m the breadwinner in the family), and we wanted a place in the country. For years we saved and planned and I cried a LOT. But we’re finally there – a little house on 3 acres, I’m only working 3 days a week, life is good. When things seemed hopeless, I remember praying, “God, you don’t seem to be showing me a way out of this, so please just give me the strength to make the most of it.”
I’m so glad you got your house on 3 acres and a more manageable work week! That is awesome!
I love your dream, Haley! I am a similar one, but mine is surely not as close to yours. We are both working, with a child in Catholic Preschool, renting a duplex in the city in MN, with hardly any space for growning anything and too much student loan debt to even think about living off one income, much less buying a house- let alone a farm.
But, dreams and baby steps- I am thinking about container gardening- make do with what we have, but have never grown a thing in my life. Your Urban Homestead life sounds pretty heavenly to me.
I often think I would love to be transported back to Little House days- but I do really love indoor plumbing, and electricity, and the internet. But, living off the land, making our own furniture and clothes etc.. while still having modern luxuries like I mentioned, or a hospital for emergencies etc.. that would be nice. Keep dreaming, Haley- you are close!
I love the line about doing work that is good in and of itself. Yes yes YES. I don’t think my husband and I will ever be chicken-and-goat people (um. because of the poop.) but the same idea about doing good work so resonates.
Haley, we share a dream! (Why am I not surprised?) I actually cried.
Some time, I’ll e-mail you about the details of my life that I don’t reveal on my blog, to respect my husband’s severe privacy, but gosh–I could have written this! And I love it when people say that to me about my own writing, so take that as a supreme compliment. c:
This is lovely.
I am definitely a dreamer, and hope against all odds. Thank you for the reminder that our castles in the air can be warm and comforting amidst the rigamarole of everyday life.
My husband and I are 24 and 25, and babe #1 will be here in a few (hopefully short) weeks. Neither one of us has a career or has it all figured out. Its pretty intimidating knowing our lives will be changing so drastically so soon, and from here on out theres no backing out! Its just life, and we just need to keep living and growing and delighting in it. I’m so grateful that though the future is so full of uncertainty, we have faith, hope and love to keep us solid. (Hmm, imagine that! Dash of theological virtue anyone?)
Can we please (please) be neighbors in this dream? It sounds lovely.