This Messy Life

Everything has been at sixes and sevens over here while we’re trying to get packed to go on vacation for a week. I’ve been letting Benjamin eat parfaits for lunch and didn’t even notice that he had moved his entire mattress to the floor for a little bedroom makeover.

On top of the upcoming trip, some friends of ours who had to move out of their place due to mold are going to stay at our house while we’re away. There are piles of laundry and things to pack all over the house. The fridge is a disaster. All the floors need mopping. And my two littles make it nearly impossible to get what needs to be done DONE.

This afternoon I was having a meltdown. While I had terrifying daydreams of our friends opening our bathroom cabinet and seeing how I just stuff the towels in there precariously or noticing that all our windows have little person fingerprints smeared on them, or that our back porch looks like the aftermath of a hurricane, a clearly exhausted and grumpy Benjamin was flat out refusing to nap. He wouldn’t even stay in his room for a bit to rest and read so that I could accomplish something. And I completely lost it with him. He ran back into his room while I vented to Daniel on the phone about the state of things and how EVERYTHING WAS HORRIBLE.

When I hung up the phone, I went to check on a surprisingly quiet Benjamin. He was fast asleep with the sheets tucked up under his chin wearing a knit hat with dinosaur spikes on the top that stick out adorably. And my little sleeping dinosaur just looked so precious. And I felt so monstrous for losing it with him. And then Lucy woke up full of sweetness and light. She nursed and then we snuggled on the bed and her joyful grin just slayed me. And I felt so grateful that this imperfect mama was given the gift of two perfect children. Two amazing children that drop little bits of granola all over the floor and smear banana on highchairs.  Two beautiful children that make packing for a week a Herculean effort. Two joyful children that fill my days with light. And the façade of good homemaking that was trying to hold together just didn’t matter anymore. Also, it’s laughable. Let’s face it, my friends KNOW I’m a dreadful housekeeper and can’t stay organized to save my life. And they’ll still love me after they try to get a towel out of the bathroom cabinet and all the other towels fall on them. So the rest of the packing and clean up felt different. The drips of yogurt plastered to the kitchen table made me chuckle and after bedtime when Benjamin got out of bed for the 10^th cup of water, instead of barking at him, I kept noticing how precious his long, dark eyelashes are and wanted to kiss his little cheeks. I love my messy children. I love this messy life.

So, dear ones, if posting is sparse for a week or two and the comments aren’t being moderated and I’m not answering your email, it’s not because I don’t love you or think you’re swell. It’s just because I’m packing up my messy family for a little adventure where the great interwebs may or may not be available. Hoping to at least post a This Week’s Miscellany, but be patient with me if I disappear for a few days